


Hawaii Five-0 Drabbles

by jazsy



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-01
Updated: 2012-12-01
Packaged: 2017-11-19 23:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazsy/pseuds/jazsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Olddddddddd bits of ridiculous literature of the Hawaii Five-O genre.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secret Satan, er, Santa

The first day, it's a bag of Hershey's kisses.  
  
Not in their original packaging, however, oh no. They are wrapped (delightfully, Danny's brain almost adds before the part from New Jersey smacks it) in cellophane printed with penguins ice skating and kissing under mistletoe. The bag is tied at the top with a massive tangle of curled, glittery red ribbon.  
  
Danny approaches it cautiously, as he has enough years on the force to recognize a homemade bomb when he sees one.  
  
After examining it from all angles, though, he has to admit that it looks perfectly innocent. And what the heck, it's Friday afternoon, he can kick back a little. So he slices open the bag, unwraps a kiss, and pops it into his mouth-  
  
-and immediately spits it back out, not even caring that he gets chocolate all over his desk (he's too preoccupied looking for something to wipe his tongue on).  
  
Cherry Cordial Kisses. Disgusting.  
  
\---  
  
Danny puts the first gift down to a coworker just trying to spread holiday cheer and doesn't say anything about it.  
  
\---  
  
The second day, it's one of those stupid singing and dancing snowmen from a Hallmark store. It bursts to life and sings "Let It Snow" every time someone walks past it (or blinks an eyelash within a five mile radius, to be more accurate). And since Danny's office is the size of a shoebox, he's close to bashing it with a baseball bat by lunchtime.  
  
Danny wraps it up in a blanket, dumps it in the trunk of his car, and takes it over to Gracie, who promptly names it Leopold and promises to adore it forever. Gracie is having trouble adjusting to living in a place with no snow for Christmas; and since Danny a) feels the same way and b) hates to see his daughter sad, he has trouble hating anything that puts the smile back on her face.   
  
That doesn't mean he doesn't cringe when the song starts up for the 700th time.  
  
\---  
  
Putting his detective skills to good use, Danny mentally rounds up the usual suspects and begins to eliminate them.  
  
This secret santa prank is one he can imagine Kono pulling, and she would be the one with easiest access to his office. However, she's been undercover as a glass-bottom boat tour guide for the last week, so she hasn't been anywhere near the office. Danny checks the logs, and they back up her alibi.  
  
That doesn't mean she didn't get one of the  _family_  to do it, but there would be talk if Chin was around, and the people he asked haven't seen anyone unusual.  
  
Of Five-O, that leaves Steve. Who is an asshole, but not usually this way- Steve'd been the one listening to Danny bitch for the past week about the ridiculousness of celebrating Christmas in a place with palm trees and how there was no Christmas spirit in bermuda shorts and how hanging lights on a surfboard just isn't right.  
  
Plus, Steve doesn't seem like the type of guy who would be a ninja prankster. He'd stick around to see your reaction (perhaps capture it with a polaroid) and guffaw in your face.  
  
So after the second day, Danny puts the gifts down to passive aggressive hazing of the new guy. Or some shit. He needs a beer.

\---  
  
The third day, it's just a simple index card. And so much more than that.  
  
The card reads:  _Level 2B, SL 73, 98-05-41_  
  
\---  
  
Danny takes the elevator in the station to Basement Level 2, and finds Storage Locker 73. It's locked with a combination lock, and Danny spins the numbers: right 98, left 5, right 41. He opens the door to a blast of cold air and a flash of white.  
  
He blinks a few times, and when his eyes adjust, he almost thinks he must have been knocked out. In the middle of the room is a real, living Christmas evergreen, decorated with lights and popcorn strings. Next to it is a side table with two mugs of cocoa and Christmas cookies (homemade; Danny would suspect Gracie if the frosting work wasn't so shoddy). Garland is strung along the walls, and stockings with each of the FIve-O members' names on are hanging from it.  
  
And on the floor, swirled around Danny's feet, was snow.  
  
Danny bends down to touch it; it's man-made, but realistic. Cold and powdery, and Danny clenches one fist in it before standing to face Steve, who's hovering near the tree with his hands in his pockets, grinning.  
  
Danny shakes his head and can't help his own smile. "What the hell?" he asks.  
  
Steve shrugs and comes closer, until he and Danny are holster to holster. "Had to stop your fuckin' mouth somehow, " he says, badly imitating Danny's Jersey accent.  
  
"I'll stop your fucking mouth," Danny retorts, and kisses him-  
  
-and almost immediately pulls back, gagging. Cherry Cordial Kisses. Disgusting.  
  
"You Christmas heathen. You  _would_  like the bastard Hershey's flavors."  
  
Steve looks offended, but before he can comment, Danny switches into detective mode.  
  
"Ok, so I get the kisses now -do not even," he adds when Steve opens his mouth with a smirk. "And...this," he gestures to the room, "But why the stupid, annoying snowman?"  
  
Steve narrows his eyes a little. "Gracie didn't like it?"  
  
And for that Danny has to kiss him, gross cherry breath and all.


	2. Babysitting

"Thank you, thank you," Danny babbles as he pushes a wand and some stuffed animals into Chin'a arms, then drops to his knees beside his daughter. "Gracie, I promise, I'll be back in a few hours. I love you!" he manages to add quickly as Steve drags him back out the door.  
  
Chin manages to dig out Kono's  _My Little Pony_  tea set (although if you tried to pin it on her, she'd deny it to her dying day) and he, Mr. Whiskers, and Bobo the Squid are all situated by Gracie around the kitchen table.   
  
Chin is oddly nervous, but Gracie keeps up the conversation, chattering away in three different voices, so he only has to contribute here and there. She giggles when he asks Mr. Whiskers about Mrs. Whiskers, which Chin takes as a win.  
  
Eventually, Gracie gets bored and asks what else there is to do. Chin has a moment of panic as he runs through the Very Non-Kid-Friendly contents of his house; then he remembers that the ocean is literally right outside his back door.  
  
Gracie is very excited- apparently neither of her parents let her play on the beach much (Chin wonders if the ocean in New Jersey is scary; it wouldn't surprise him). "They just want you to be safe," he says, trying not to play good cop/bad cop on Danny.   
  
"I know," she answers, drawing shapes in the wet sand. "Mommy says Daddy wants everybody to be safe, too much, and sometimes he forgets to think about anything else."  
  
Chin considers. "Your daddy does want everyone to be safe," he agrees, "but you know that you're the most important, right? He could never forget about you."  
  
Gracie nods vigorously as if to prove that she doesn't need to be told, but her splashing seems a little happier.  
  
Chin makes her a snack of string cheese and celery and peanut butter (and she may shenghai him into letting her have chocolate chip cookies, but he'll never tell), and as she crunches, Gracie interrogates Chin about his life. Her awe when he tells her he is related to Kono, whom she previously met, is comical.  
  
"And you guys work with daddy, keeping people safe, right?" she asks, and Chin nods.  
  
"When I get old, I want to do that too," she pauses, "or be Hannah Montana."  
  
Chin thinks of Kono, killer surfer babe one minute and ass-kicking cop the next. "I think you could probably do both."


	3. Mama Needs Her Sugar

At first, she thought it was cute.

But as she watches Ethan stammer and practically run out of her apartment, she finds her opinion has drastically changed. This is the fourth time she's brought a guy home and gotten to about second base, only to have the guy suddenly realize he has something important to do. For the foreseeable future. In a place where, apparently, there are no phones.

Fucking overprotective manfamily. Why couldn't she have regular sisterfriends who giggle their way through meeting her date and then call her an hour later to give her the "family emergency" out if she needs one? 

No, instead she has the male gorillas: Chin, who makes his scary I Am Not The Good Cop face (the one that scrunches up his forehead), crosses his arms tightly to flex his arm muscles, and stands menacingly behind Kono while she answers the door;

Steve, who winds an arm around the guy's neck and whispers all the things he is authorized by the governor to do without fear of legal consequences;

and Danny, who just slaps a baseball bat against his palm while asking if the guy brought "protection". (Kono has made a mental note to warn Gracie about this.)

And Kono had rolled her eyes, but she was touched. She was. However, the gorillas were surprisingly effective. So now? Now, she is sick of being cockblocked. 

Something has to be done.

\---

She casually lets it slip to Danny that she has a date on Friday at 7:30. When Chin asks about it, she makes sure to give him the real name of one of her guy friends- she knows they run background checks. She makes reservations at a restaurant under his name. She even goes through the motions of getting ready, since Steve has been known to show up really early.

This time, though, it's Danny who shows up first. Before he can even say a word, Kono grabs the baseball bat (and takes a moment to think: really? Does he have a sawed-off shotgun, too?), and shoves the end of it into his stomach. His mouth drops open as he gasps for air, and she shoves a dirty sock in it before wrangling Danny's arms behind his back. She ties his hands with an old pair of pantyhose, and then shoves him onto the couch.

Next is Steve. It's more difficult to subdue him, but it's a fight he wasn't expecting, and she knows his ribs are still injured from that scuffle with the Canadian mob last week. She russes him up and shoves him onto the couch next to Danny.

Steve and Danny try to warn Chin, but they only succeed in distracting him, which actually makes him easier to take down than she had anticipated. She uses the Muay Thai Roundhouse Kick he taught her, and in less than 2 minutes, he's right next to Steve and Danny, gagging on a sock and struggling to free himself from pantyhose handcuffs.

Kono crosses her arms and addresses the captured gorillas.

"I'm sick of your overprotective bullshit. These islands are small, and there aren't that many hot, nice guys who aren't going back to Minnesota in a week. I can't afford to have you idiots scaring off the good guys I do manage to pick up.

"I just Chuck Norris'd all of your asses using only my dirty laundry, so clearly I can take care of myself. If you try to show up before one of my dates again, I might use actual weapons. 

"Do you understand?"

They all nod, eyes wide.

"Good."

She's about to untie them when her phone trills. She opens it to reveal a text from Sammy, a guy she met at one of the surf shops on Oahu. He wants to know if she's free tonight.

Kono looks at herself in the mirror on the wall. Her hair's a little mussed, but her makeup is clean, her dress is neat, and these shoes make her ass look fabulous.

I was just heading out, she texts back. Where should I meet you?

"See you tomorrow, boys," she says sweetly, giving them a fingery wave as she walks out the door.

She hopes Sammy doesn't mind going to his place tonight.


	4. Hide and Seek

Uncle Steve is totally fun, in Gracie's opinion. He plays whatever game Gracie wants and doesn't treat her like a baby. Except sometimes he is a little insane.   
  
(That means crazy. Or wacko. It was in a Judy Moody book, and Gracie's teacher said when you don't know a word in a book, you have to look it up in a dictionary, so Gracie did. And when she found the definition, it made her think of Uncle Steve.)  
  
Anyway, sometimes Uncle Steve gets waaaay more into games than Gracie and her friends even do.  
  
Like the time they played hide and seek and Uncle Steve wouldn't stay in one spot and wait to be found. He was, like, crawling along on his stomach on the floor and flattening himself against the wall and using a mirror to look around corners. He even tried to string up a boobie trap before Daddy slapped him across the back of the head.  
  
(And then had to explain what a 'love-tap' was. Gracie thinks it just proves that grown-ups are weird.)  
  
Or there was the time that they played Uno and Uncle Steve would throw a fit if you didn't say, 'uno' like,  _immediately_  after you put the second-to-last card down. And he actually looked up the Uno rulebook on the internet to prove that you still have to put a card down after someone makes you draw 2.  
  
Today Daddy, Uncle Steve, and Gracie are doing this new puzzle Daddy found- sooooooooo cute, a fuzzy little white kitten playing with a duckling in a field of yellow daisies.  
  
As usual, Uncle Steve is super duper serious and like, sorting the pieces by color and trying to find corners and stuff. Gracie looks at Daddy, who rolls his eyes and whispers, "He's just scared because I told him how good we are at puzzles."  
  
That makes sense to Gracie. So she does what Madame Claudia does at ballet class to help the dancers learn a new step without being freaked out about messing up.  
  
"Uncle Steve, it's ok, you can just watch this time and see how Daddy and I do it."  
  
(Gracie is gathering the puzzle pieces back together and totally misses how Steve mouths, 'Uncle Steve?' at her Daddy in awe.)  
  
So Uncle Steve watches as Gracie and Daddy put the puzzle together. It looks hard, but it's really not- Daddy taught Gracie how to quickly find pieces that fit and how to not worry about the big picture, just work on small parts and eventually it will all come together. Because sometimes the part of the picture you thought you were working on turns out to be a different part of the picture entirely, so you have to be patient and wait for the picture to become clear.  
  
Uncle Steve looks surprised and amazed by Gracie and Daddy's awesomeness, but he's grinning so she knows he's not mad or jealous or anything.   
  
"Uncle Steve, Daddy and I have special glue that holds the puzzle together, so we can put that on and you can keep this one!"  
  
Uncle Steve looks down at the puzzle and then up, opens his mouth like he's gonna say something but then doesn't. He looks at Daddy but Daddy just raises his eyebrows and laughs. Uncle Steve shakes his head before putting it down in laughter. Gracie doesn't understand the joke, but it makes her giggle anyway.  
  
Uncle Steve is sometimes insane, but totally fun.


End file.
